ASVS/SDN Fanfiction

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Tyralak
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Post by Tyralak » Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:40 pm

Jedi Master Spock wrote:Tyralak and The_Corporal, if you don't have anything constructive to say to each other, you might consider just ignoring each other. I can definitely say that the two of you are just sniping at each other right now, and that does not meet the description of discourse being "reasonable, polite, and informative" set forth in the rules.

Tyralak, you in particular might want to read the rules and the enforcement policy, since I've had to bring them to your attention several times now.
With respect, I didn't hijack this thread. I'll stop talking to him, however. It would be best. Perhaps we can get back to discussing fanfiction.

PunkMaister
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Post by PunkMaister » Tue Mar 03, 2009 10:09 pm

Tyralak wrote:With respect, I didn't hijack this thread. I'll stop talking to him, however. It would be best. Perhaps we can get back to discussing fanfiction.
Since last I checked this thread was about fanfiction that would be most advisable...

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Tyralak
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Post by Tyralak » Tue Mar 03, 2009 11:12 pm

PunkMaister wrote:
Tyralak wrote:With respect, I didn't hijack this thread. I'll stop talking to him, however. It would be best. Perhaps we can get back to discussing fanfiction.
Since last I checked this thread was about fanfiction that would be most advisable...
Exactly. And as I said, I didn't hijack it. Back to the topic. Anyone ever read Graham Kennedy's fic "Portal"? It's ok. I think it gets unfairly ripped on though.

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Praeothmin
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Post by Praeothmin » Wed Mar 04, 2009 12:08 am

Tyralak wrote:Anyone ever read Graham Kennedy's fic "Portal"? It's ok. I think it gets unfairly ripped on though.
Well, to be honest, I think it's as one-sided as MW's fanfics are, except in this case in ST's favor.

The truth would probably be in-between...

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Post by ILikeDeathNote » Wed Mar 04, 2009 1:04 am

Anyway, I do not recall anyone answering my question regarding Conquest and Reign of Terror from a literary, as opposed to a verses, standpoint.

Perhaps I should start another thread, in the critique/review section, concerning fanfics from that standpoint.

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Post by ILikeDeathNote » Wed Mar 04, 2009 5:14 am

One thing that I just noticed that's odd: "Reign of Terror" seems to have a fair amount of SDN denizens as characters.

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Praeothmin
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Post by Praeothmin » Wed Mar 04, 2009 1:48 pm

Well, conquest, from what I remember, has detailed descriptions, great character introspections, and the pace is good.
Just like any good novel...

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Mith
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Post by Mith » Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:41 pm

Praeothmin wrote:I've started to read "Conquest" a while back, and I do agree that Mike Wong writes very well.

I fully intend to read it through, even though I know I won't agree with his conclusion, if only because of how well written it is.
Conquest? He wrote that piece of shit? I'm in the middle of reviewing it and I find it absolutely deplorable in just about every manner.

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Post by Praeothmin » Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:32 pm

Mith wrote:Conquest? He wrote that piece of shit? I'm in the middle of reviewing it and I find it absolutely deplorable in just about every manner.
What don't you like?
You don't like the writing, the style, what?
And why?

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Post by Mith » Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:35 pm

Praeothmin wrote:
Mith wrote:Conquest? He wrote that piece of shit? I'm in the middle of reviewing it and I find it absolutely deplorable in just about every manner.
What don't you like?
You don't like the writing, the style, what?
And why?
What don't I like? How about his absolute disregard for the source material and the twisting of the entire concept of the Federation into a nightmarish society with no form of backbone? What about the fact that he twisted the Klingons into a group of traitors who sold their allies out (don't even start with that bullshit about the sneak attack, that is such a load of crap that I can't even begin to tell how retarded it is.)? How about the fact that he couldn't even keep part of his story straight? How about the fact that the entire idea for the war is contrived? How about the fact that he ignores the rules of one sci-fi in favor of his own? Like how apparently, the Vulcan artifact that kills someone by using their own aggression agaisnt them doesn't apparently count against a Sith Lord...who it should work exceptionally well for?

His "story" is nothing short of a masturbation festival. It's not even so bad as he went to the length of making the Empire look overly powerful. It's that he painted them out to be in the right, over the morals of the Federation. He outright defiled that Roddenberry's entire dream was about. Fuck, his story is worse than Threshold, simply for the sake of how horribly bad it really is.

But here's a full review...well, as full as it's going to get. The idea that...grrr...you'll see:

Our story starts off as most epics Star Wars movies do, with a brief exposition of taking advantage of the weak republic government, Palpatine was able to make himself Galactic Emperor of – wait…it says Solo…oh, I see, this isn’t Emperor Palpatine, but rather Anakin Solo, the son of Han and Leia Solo. Huh, I guess the EU is so rich and original in ideas that I just mixed it up with the last guy who came to power in the exact same manner. Well, at least we know that people learn from their mistakes. Or not.

Oh well, not really this author’s fault, let’s continue. After the admiral’s musing so we can get a set up for a battle in the Kerenos system to fight the last of the Mon Cal armada that our faithful USS Carolina will just fly into with reckless abandon while engaging a Jem’Hadar cruiser. The cruiser is damaged, but despite this being war where we’ve seen UFP ships blast apart enemy warships without offering surrender, Captain Trent decides now will be a good time to offer them a chance to surrender…even though it’s a commonly known fact that the Jem’Hadar would rather jump of a two story building if a bored Founder asked them to. Of course, we then learn how blood thirsty Trent is when he inwardly expresses the point that “The only good Jem’Hadar is a dead Jem’Hadar”…in fact, a rather fond saying of his…apparently. Well, it not like it matters; Trent won’t be lasting long anyway.

We then see that the Carolina is launching quantum torpedoes (is it a Defiant class? They mention forward launchers, but I’m not sure…) to turn those evil Jem’Hadar into an expanding ball of plasma. Unfortunately, the cruiser it seems, is gone. Lt. Genius at the operations (or tactical, take your pick) says that they’ve vanished and then says the following:

“Some sort of wormhole, Captain. They haven’t developed the ability to form transwarp conduits have they?”

This might be a bit geeky, but transwarp conduits have nothing to do with wormholes. Wormholes are basically like the ultimate shortcut. Pretend you had to points on a piece of paper. Well, instead of just tracing the length, what the wormhole does is basically just cuts all that out; you just appear from one point to another. Now, what a transwarp conduit does is create a conduit in which you’re able to travel really, really fast. You’re still traveling that distance; it’s just that you’re now doing it at a much faster rate. Anyhow, they send in a probe and realize that it is indeed just a normal everyday wormhole…not a technological feat that in fact, has nothing to do with the way wormholes work. Trent orders them to pursue the damaged cruiser into unknown territory that could in fact be Dominion space (you might laugh, but the Federation created their own wormhole earlier in DS9, which didn’t last long, but was certainly a starting point in their ability to create wormholes). As they enter, they feel some strange effects that were unheard of from the Bajoran wormhole, bringing the entire crew to nearly vomit. I guess they got a look at the outline for the rest of the story.

Trent, is shocked by the amount of carnage on the other side, where clearly two enemies are engaged in a great battle. Being the genius that he is, Captain Dumbass decides to stay in a warzone where you could be seen as a hostile force to people with adrenalin pumping and fingers just itching to push that nuke button. Because, entering a warzone is really a good follow up on the Federation’s Prime Directive and peaceful outlook, yes? Anyhow, despite not being able to find the Jem’Hadar due to heavy subspace jamming (apparently the Empire jams those now). Commander Chang notes that they should probably leave…for obvious reasons. Of course, Captain Trent decides to stay and study the new life…while said new life is killing each other.

Next, we see the Death Star and it…wait, the Death Star? Excuse me, I have to scroll back up, I had to of…no, no it still says Emperor Anakin Solo. Wow, the EU sure is rich in its own story telling that it has to dig out the central plot of two of the movies. Anyhow, it seems that the captain’s self-preservation finally kicked in (I’m guessing that Trent was taught command by the same professor who taught Chakotay. Although, he forget to let them blast him four or five times).

Well, the Carolina takes a beating from the flying debris, but the ever dangerous bridge managed to save-er, steal the captain away from this horrible sto-er, I mean from life. In any case, Chang, now the author’s new bit…err, hero awakens to see an Imperial officer tossing him his universal translator. The officer explains that they had to adjust the translator to understand basic…despite the fact that the translators in Star Trek have always translated all but a handful of languages into modern English. Whatever. In any case, the officer informs him that they injured his men during interrogation. This news is so shocking and unexpected (because you know, no one in Star Trek has ever hurt another when they were interrogating them). Chang says how unacceptable this is...despite the fact that the Imperial officer mentions that it was all a misunderstanding and that they’re receiving medical attention.

In any case, the admiral quickly informs him that he wishes to discuss terms of surrender to the Empire. Well, of course, you honestly didn’t expect anything else to come of a Star Trek and Star Wars crossover did you? Chang points out that they aren’t at war. The admiral flaunts their gained knowledge of the local powers and part of the UFP’s power structure and how they managed to get that information out of prisoners. He even gloats how the wormhole would have collapsed because it was destabilizing…despite the fact that we were told that the wormhole was stable…with hyperspace tunneling equipment (the hell? Is hyperspace technology now wormhole based? Fuck me). In fact, they thought they were rebels…wait, the rebels are still around? Or is this a new group of rebels? They banter a bit about how Chang is surrendering, but wants assurances that his men will be kept unharmed and returned to the UFP. Admiral Douche simply says that they’re prisoners of war…despite the fact that their two parties aren’t even at war, but let’s not get caught up in facts, shall we? Of course, it turns out that the other prisoners are located fifteen light years away and…wait, why fifteen light years? Was there something that Douche needed to check out and took Chang with him? Why couldn’t he just send one of the ships under his command? I smell micro-managing.

Anyhow, poor dumb Chang is led to a shuttle and the pilot gives us all the names of the starship classes, including telling us about the blood red painted SSD that Chang was in fact, just on (called the Crimson Blade). They jump to hyperspace to get back to the station…because apparently they can’t just toss Chang back in his cell onboard the ship…they need him to escape of course. Hope I didn’t ruin it for you.

As it turns out, there is an attack on the station. Apparently, the rebels have managed to track down the ship and make another go round because…well, I guess they probably have spies in the Empire to get them this information. The pilot tries to get them to safety, but a shot manages to drop the man. It turns out, that one of the stormtroopers did it and he then shoots the other guard and…wait, where did I see something like this before? A New Hope? Nah, surely this author isn’t that unoriginal!

In any case, the Crimson Blade appears, because apparently Admiral Douche is psychic or force sensitive…it really doesn’t matter. Anyhow, the warship starts raping the rebel ships with ease, as apparently the Crimson Blade’s gunners are the finest in the fleet…which I suppose means that when they fire, there’s a fifty-fifty chance of them actually hitting the slow moving target, as opposed to everyone else, who somehow are able to defy physics in how inaccurate their shots are.

We then get some exposition from the rebel leader, Captain Ruk, who will be your self-righteous zealot for this story. Don’t worry, you’ll have three of them, two being Sith Lords. Sad when both sides of good and evil in a story are zealots, isn’t it? Chang recounts the horrors of the empire’s super weapons; the Death Star, Galaxy Guns, World Devastators, suncrushers…because we all know that the Federation has never built or seen anyone use weapons to such a scale…because Generations, The Die is Cast, Obsession, Motion Picture, By Inferno’s Light, Genesis, and Doomsday Machine are such unheard of events in the history Star Trek history.

In any case, Ruk wants to help each other, but Chang is suspicious, so Ruk lets him see the rest of the crew. There, we get some shocking revelations from a scientist, who is astonished that their civilizations are so different; particularly the military mindset. Because you know, it isn’t like they ever encountered a military oriented people before…because we all know how much the Klingon, Cardassian, and Dominion societies love peace, exploration, and scientific study. It isn’t like their ships have a lack of comfort and highly militarized warships. Of course, the author lets us know just what this story is all about when he has Chang say that all he cares about is their weapons. To answer his superior’s demand for weapon schematics, the scientist makes note of their hyperspace system…yeah, but he says he can’t even begin to calculate how much energy it would take, because you know, those small fighters that are shot down by tanks are actually being held together by energy that is apparently beyond the imagination of a society that tosses out twice the firepower of the Tsar bomb like candy.

Oh well, but back to the amazing points of some of the downsides to hyperspace, but it turns out that the Empire already has tactical data on the Federation. Apparently, it turns out that the Empire somehow managed to get information. Thinking he’s clever, he drops Quark’s name. Wow. Just…wow. Look, everyone knows that Quark is a crook, but are you telling me that he actually sold all navigational data that the Federation itself has to someone he doesn’t even know? And how did they manage to come across Quark in the first place? Did they put an ad in the paper or something? Ugh.

Anyway, Chang brings the subject back to the whole point of the conversation; the weapons. The scientist mentions that weapons are about ten isotons per shot…which is somewhat blurry as to what that means. I’m guessing that they’re referring to Voyager’s armament, but are they going with the 6.25 isoton per torpedo or 200 isoton point? If it’s the former, then that’s pretty dangerous, but if it’s the later, then downright laughable. Given the source, I’m guessing the former. Chang responds by saying “That’s not bad, but we can handle it.” Well…I guess he really is an idiot, but what can we say? In any case, apparently the science officer has to point out that this is for sixty guns ( a total of 600 isotons or about 96 photon torpedoes). But it appears that it has a half a dozen guns that are apparently worth…wait a thousand isotons? Are you serious? That’s 16,000 megatons for their heavy guns…their medium guns are 160 megatons. That’s a hundred times stronger than the medium guns. The incredible levels of discrepancy between the two are just…retarded. And why is the enemy here so god damn strong? How is the Federation supposed to interact with something that’s practically invincible…oh wait…oh, don’t tell me…this is going to turn into a masturbation story isn’t it?

Well, they talk about a few more obvious tactical issues and Chang puts the burden of finding a weakness in an enemy that is over a hundred sixty times stronger than they are. No pressure, right?

Back to Admiral Douche, who is now planning an assault of the Federation homeworld, apparently having something to do with Thrawn…some EU admiral that they’re going to keep masturbating to. Honestly, I could care less. We quickly go back to Ruk and his bitches arguing about the situation of the revolution. It isn’t going well to put it simply, but Chang wants them to make a suicide run to the Federation, where fifty thousand starships can defend them. The author apparently finds it laughable that they have anywhere close to this number apparently, but as a point, it was mentioned in Sacrifice of Angels that the elements of two fleets were going to engage the Dominion fleet…there was in fact, about a thousand UFP ships. Even assuming half of each fleet was used (remember, they said element, we’re probably looking at 25% from each fleet here), that still gives us (we know that there is at least ten fleets, but possible twelve), so that puts us up to 30,000 starships…a number also suggested by the people working on DS9 as well. Nor is the Federation composed of a few hundred planets…that’s clearly member planets. Kirk mentions in TOS that they have spread over a thousand planets. So we’re likely looking at 2,000 planets and a 150 core worlds. The author apparently didn’t do the research.

Anyhow, it turns out that Chang is lying and using them for his own purposes to destroy the wormhole…because apparently that’s the way Federation officers act. Of course, using the wonderful power of plot conven-err, I mean force sensitivity, Ruk “knows” that Chang is full of bullshit and decides that turnabout is fair play. We go to Emperor Pal-err, Solo who is unhappy with the loss of the Federation officers, but doesn’t really mind all that much because he’d foreseen it. Huh, where have I heard that before? Ah well, after he hangs up on the admiral, he goes on to basically exposition how awesome he was and how necessary it is to be rid of the new alien threat to his galaxy. So of course, rather than just collapsing the wormhole and ending the likelihood of them ever meeting with millions of years, he decides it’s a better idea to wage war against them. Wow, really doing what it takes to ensure peace and order yes? Sorry, not working well enough to convince me that Solo is really just doing what he thinks is best and doing it by any means possible as a sort of conflicted character. He’s basically just another Anakin (oh, how silly of me, he even has the same name as his grandfather…) with a emo bitch complex. Color me unimpressed.

Anyhow, Ruk decides to try out Chang’s plan (so he can backstab him) by making the suicide run. After a brief running fire fight to the wormhole, only Ruk’s ship manages to make it past as the other two are taken out (not before heroically taking out enemy warships of course). Of course, Chang being the douche that he is, tries to pry some information out of Ruk while they’re still in the wormhole, so that his crew can send out some information to warn the Federation, since the commander doesn’t believe they’ll live…by doing it in the most inappropriate and non-Starfleet way possible. Really, how did this ass-mite get out of the academy? Ah well, Ruk tosses him against a bulkhead and bitches him out before having them set course for Earth as they emerged from the wormhole. Strangely enough, he actually says Federation homeworld…which isn’t accurate since the Federation doesn’t have a homeworld; it would only have a capital.

Well, now we get to see Captain Picard. We see that he’s moping about how the hardcore military group is coming into power…which is kind of odd, because this is the first time that in DS9 or TNG that I’ve heard about them. Sure you had that douche from The Pegasus, but he wasn’t really all that out there…he was just violating a Federation treaty and that was the entire point of the episode. Really, why would anyone in the Federation want to send people to die? The war with the Dominion was never painted like this before. Why now? Oh right, to make the Federation as unlikable and corrupt as possible so the next thing Chang does actually seems plausible. Anyway, the author wasn’t apparently happy enough to drag the E-E crew into this; he’s taking Q with them. Q dicks around about how Picard should do the wrong thing instead of the right thing in order for humanity to survive, really I could care less. Then he leaves as Ruk’s ship arrives.

Data goes off how there is neutronium in their hull (which is why everyone on the ship has been crushed to something about the size of an atom…) and goes on to explain the damage. Picard orders yellow alert, but strangly doesn’t open up with his typical line or even mentions rendering assistance. In any case, they go through the pleasantries of Chang correcting their MIA status and Picard asks if the ship would be kind enough to disarm their weapons. Well, Chang manages to get to speak to the Federation council and we have some arguing for attacking, but the UFP President suggests that they don’t do anything because the Empire has proven to be a threat…um, dude? The commander just told you they intended to invade and have set up a massive task force on both sides of the wormhole…how is that not a sign of aggression? Then Admiral War-Mongrel decides to step up to bat. Why? For the plan that was so bad, that even the writers of Voyager would think it a joke.

Well, Chang beams back over and starts putting the plan into action. Of course, Ruk gets all high and mighty about how transporters simply make clones and how he is so religiously in touch with the universe and how the UFP isn’t, I started gagging. But it turns out that Chang wants to steal his ship. He gives some explanation that of course the author takes time to piss on via Ruk’s response of it being technobabble and then goes on to say how bad Chang and the UFP is…or at least the author’s take on it is. Seriously, the guy’s plan to try and use the warship to create an explosion that destroys the wormhole isn’t a bad one, but why are they doing this in such a stupid manner? Why not give them a small ship in return for the warship? Or how about they ask for some information? Chang says it would take years to understand the technology, but that’s a load, since we’ve seen the UFP reverse engineer advance alien technology more than once, what’s so special about hyperdrive? And how did the admiral come to this conclusion with just a few hours at best before the meeting and looking at the data if the technology was so alien and advanced? Can anyone say plot hole?

Anyway, we get to the expected fight, where Chang and the two thousand UFP marines get their asses handed to them because apparently Ruk has wardroids and wookies, because apparently when faced with weapons that can fire on wide beam and vaporize human-sized targets, there’s just no beating that. Or the fact that the UFP should be able to send in more marines to assist…but I guess they just didn’t feel like it. But he wins and apparently takes them captive. Picard is contacted by the President, Keyes, and the war freak admiral to explain just how badly they fucked up and are now sending them up to perform negotiations against a hostile force. They arrive at the wormhole, where apparently a big ring is holding the wormhole there…a two hundred kilometer structure with each point about a kilometer thick. Somehow, this entire feat didn’t take months or possibly years, but let’s just ignore that right now, yeah? Well, as it turns out, they manage to come to the false peaceful posture that we all know will last about five minutes before all hell breaks loose.

And that hell comes in the form of the Romulans, who are sending forty warbirds to dispose of them. Wow, forty warbirds? Good to know that the Romulans were able to spare forty warbirds despite being at war with the Dominion. Luck of the draw I suppose. In any case, Picard moves to intercept them and stop them from causing any trouble, but it devolves into a fire fight…where apparently the Enterprise E is capable of tossing out Quantum Torpedoes from every launcher, rather than just the one. Okay, photon torpedoes are red, quantum torpedoes are white. How can you possibly fuck that up? Well, it seems the author can, because he also thinks the Romulans stopped using the more powerful plasma torpedoes and are now using photon torpedoes…alright, that’s actually an understandable mistake, since their use has about two or three mentions in ST history, with one example of them using photon torpedoes (but then again, that was early TNG, and they also once said phaser instead of disruptor, so it was probably a mistake).

Well, it turns out that what they did was a bad idea, because now Q is saying that the Empire expected the attack and is going to come back with a vengeance, claiming how stupid Picard is for allowing such a thing. But really, what was Picard going to do? There were two hundred warships there and even if they were a tenth as strong as the Enterprise E, he still wouldn’t have stood a chance. Yes, we all know about the political issue back with Emperor Solo, but there is no way for Picard to force their enemy back and being actively hostile wouldn’t have worked as the Enterprise would have been torn apart. Nor would a fleet work, since it’s clearly a sign of aggression and the Empire would have yet another excuse of going to war. Really, if an enemy is going to go to war with you and is determined to do it, they will find a way to get what they want. Vengeance is simply yet another method of doing it. And what of the Vong? Clearly they were an alien enemy and Solo could have used the excuse of the previous Vong Invasion as note towards the danger that the enemy poses. So really, Q’s lecture is completely unwarranted. Not to mention the pathetic argument from the two on how this will be good for them and how it will introduce Darwinism back into Federation society. Because you know the whole problem with the Borg and the Dominion isn’t causing any changes in the Federation whatsoever…no really, that’s the argument. Does this author even realize that the Dominion threat caused the rearming of the Federation and it was in fact, because of Wolf 359 that the Defiant Project was put together (although it was later shelved until the Dominion threat) and is in fact, the basis for the new line of warships such as the Sovereign, Prometheus, and more? Yeah, this would make sense if this was occurring at the beginning of TNG, but now? This doesn’t even make sense! His entire argument is; “Your enemies are pathetic. Therefore, in order to make you better, I will have you enslaved and utterly demolished!”

Well, back at the molestation of both franchises, we see that apparently the ISDs can detect cloaked ships because…well, because the author said so. The Imperial fleet vaporizes the warbirds (was there ever any doubt?) with their gigaton level firepower (you know, the stuff that you never see them using in any of the episodes, movies, and most of the books, but rather just ICS and similar sources). The Empire naturally rises to great hatred for the UFP and such within a matter of days, due to the assault and the war is on.

Of course, now a hundred Federation starships are moving in to handle the situation with diplomatic escorts, but of course that doesn’t go well, and the Empire is informing any system of ally of the UFP that by staying away, they will be guaranteed safety. They then as per the author’s wet dream, rapes the Federation fleet and continue onward to invade the Federation and the Romulans. Back in the president’s office, we see that the war mongrel admiral is reporting, but the president already tells him that the Klingons will not assist them due to their dishonorable sneak attack with the Romulans against the Empire, nor any assistance from the Dominion/Cardassian Union, so…wait, didn’t we already establish that the Dominion was at war with the Federation? That was mentioned on the first bloody page…that has been mentioned when they were talking about admiral war mongrel in the first place…what, did it suddenly end? Are they actually asking for assistance from someone who is also trying to overpower them? Really, what the hell is going on here?

Whatever.

Oh, and apparently Chang was left by Ruk to be assimilated at the hands of the Borg. Some of that higher sense of radical justice I suppose. Good to know that he’s the good guy in all of this. Picard also picks up a high ranking Romulan who demands to be taken to his homeworld. Meanwhile the admiral Halsey (the war mongrel) is conducting a proposal that they need to withdraw all their ships to defend Earth…because that will somehow keep the UFP safe. I mean, fuck the 150 other member worlds, as well as the other three founding worlds of the Federation, just so long as we have Earth, everything is going to be peachy! I mean fuck people, is every admiral in Starfleet a human? I sincerely doubt it.

Also, the Borg has discovered the Empire and is now moving in to assimilate them. Back with Picard and the Romulan ambassador, they discover that Romulas has in fact, been destroyed by the Death Star and that the Klingon Empire is now in charge of that area, via relations with the Imperials. We’re told that the Dominion/Cardassians are now under attack too…well, I suppose that solves the whole Dominion War issue. Back with the Borg, they fight an ISD, but it manages to escape to the Gate System (where the wormhole is). Also, the UFP president was just assassinated, by a professional who is apparently being paid by the war obsessed admiral. Back to the Borg, their armada of five cubes is destroyed by the Imperial defenses.

Also, Hasley has just declared martial law and taken all the ships from every sector and is now using them to defend Earth…okay, am I the only one that finds this absurdly stupid? How can all the Federation Council approve of this? What about Starfleet? Or Federation captains? Not all of them are human. Nor douchebags and they wouldn’t abandon the rest of the Federation to just protect Earth.

In any case, we see some of the initial battles between the Empire and the Borg. The author actually gives the Borg a bit more of a fair shake here, but the results are again, what you expected. It seems that the Empire has already destroyed about a couple dozen of Borg planets and the Borg have not yet apparently been able to assimilate anything…or else if they have, they apparently aren’t using the technology to advance their own weapons. Because that sounds like the Borg.

Anyway, to a massive battle containing about eight hundred ships for the Federation and about five hundred for the Empire, the battle begins. As you might expect, the Imperial warships start carving through them, but the brave Hasley uses a phase cloak to gain the upperhand for his ship…but here we have a mention of gravity. Um…since when? Yeah, Geordie and Ro were affected in that manner, but they weren’t perfectly phased; it was an accident with an experimental device. As the battle reaches its “climax” as the Eclipse destroys Earth’s moon and a few Star Destroyers hit and attack several Earth cities and- wait, where the fuck is the planetary shield? What about a theater shield? Has this author ever watched Star Trek? Whatever, basically Picard gets his evidence out, Hasley is removed from command, and the Federation surrenders. Yay.

Picard is brought before Keyes to discuss terms and to get the Empire to leave, but of course, the admiral just laughs off the silly idea of leaving a neutralized enemy that was never a threat to begin with alone and instead offers Picard command of the Eclipse and in return he will spare Earth the royal rapping that the author imagines the Empire is capable of. We also meet Jacen a Sith Lord who will be important later I suppose.

Picard is taken to his new ship and informed that he will be leading an assault upon the Borg, but he claims that he could add nothing new, but his argument is dismissed by the admiral and we keep going through this horrible train wreck. Keyes is visited by Q, who apparently hops over to SW a few times…where is this even coming from? Whatever. I’ve stopped caring.

Anyway, the first battle is in victory of the Empire and apparently Jaina (some sith lord chick) is obviously attempting to seduce Picard…how is it that the old man in this situation isn’t the one who is absurdly creepy? Whatever, we also have some information as to what the rest of the crew is doing, but really, who the fuck cares? Back to the actual story, Picard insists that drones have beamed aboard the ship, clearly an allusion to First Contact. Of course, Jaina does the logical thing and orders another ship to fire upon the section of the ship that was invaded…let’s just pretend that made sense. After Picard insists that more drones are still aboard, she heads off to deal with them personally. Picard goes after her to stop her, but it turns out that it really isn’t warranted because apparently a lightsaber ignores the Borg shielding for no adequately explained reason. The borg drones fall quickly and we again see the Borg Queen…yet another allusion to First Contact…to which Jaina cuts her in half and Picard orders the stormtroopers to kill her. This done, Picard breaks her neck again.

Anyway, we get back to Picard talking to Riker, but it turns out it’s a holographic Riker and the imperials are just yanking his chains. Also, Jacen (a Sith Lord, serves the emperor) and Keyes are up to something involving children. Hmmm, a navy officer and a religious zealot with a bunch of small children…um…yeah, is this going to include child molestation? I mean, the author has already done to the very concept of what the Federation is…turning what is to be a future utopian society into a twisted delusional lie with mass killings via transporters…but are we really going to take things this far?

On Earth, Riker is in custody for performing an attack upon the yet unfinished Imperial base. For his crimes, the officer in charge has Barcley shot; noting that the man is a coward and a horrible soldier and…wait, Barcley isn’t a soldier. Barcley is an engineer. And at least he doesn’t run when an idiot is charging you with a pistol when you and five other guys are armed with rifles…wait, how did Stormtroopers make a comeback, why wouldn’t anyone notice the parallel between the two…you know what? Fuck it.

Back on the Eclipse warship, Picard is on a dinner date with Jaina. They talk and Jaina starts hitting on Picard and…okay, why is it that in a romantic relationship of an old man and a much younger woman, that Jaina is the really creepy one? Well, onwards then…she tells them about how she and Anakin Solo found some criminals and were going to take them to justice, but when one of them sneered at them, it sent Anakin into a flying rage and he killed them all. She also mentioned she enjoyed it. Yeah…still creepy. Apparently this is enough to tip Picard over the edge, having been fully seduced, they make hot evil love in…wait, no it says…

…

…

…

He rapes her. Captain Picard rapes Jaina…Captain Jean-Luc Fucking Picard rapes a woman. Captain Picard, who has willingly put his life on the line a thousand times for the Federation, has refused to use a young adolescent drone for the destruction of the Borg, has stood before demigod-like beings and refused to comprise his morals, has stood up against his own government for a illegal actions, and is the kindest, most gentle person in the entire series…rapes a woman.

You know what? Fuck this. Fuck this story and fuck the author. Surely, one might be able to accept the massive display of firepower advantages over the Federation and one could forgive the lack of knowledge of the Federation’s fleet size…but to simply go ahead and utterly ruin the entire point of Star Trek is unforgivable. This sack of shit has actually had the gull to twist the Federation from a noble group of a future humanity that pushes for what is right, rather than what is easy into a group that doesn’t care about its own principals, doesn’t care about the Prime Directive, and doesn’t care about others. This is the most disgusting and disturbing portrayal of the Federation I have ever seen. We may have seen that during the Dominion War, the Federation government did some things that were wrong, but they were almost always regretful of the action and in some cases, halted by either Sisko or Picard or whoever they commanded…and most of this came from Section 31, not the official Federation Council of Starfleet Command.

Perhaps one might even argue that this is a realistic version of the Federation or just how the author viewed the sci-fi…but this is a poor argument. This author actually had Jean-Luc Picard raping someone. No. Just no.

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Praeothmin
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Post by Praeothmin » Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:12 pm

I guess I should re-read it then... :)

ILikeDeathNote
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Post by ILikeDeathNote » Thu Mar 26, 2009 2:02 am

FYI, Anakin Solo, Jacen Solo, Jacia Solo, the Galaxy Gun, Suncrusher et al are actually from the EU. The whole thing about a new Galactic Empire being established by Anakin and a third Death Star are all made up by Wong, however. It was just an excuse to have a pre-Rebellion strength Empire during the post-Rebellion years...for some reason.

In the EU, Jacen does turn to the Dark Side, but I suppose this was just a lucky guess on Wong's part. Anakin and Jacia actually perish as a result of Jacen's betrayal, which in turn leads up to the "Legacy" era (120+ years after the Battle of Endor).





As for Picard raping a woman...I just don't have anything to say other than what's already been said.

consequences
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Post by consequences » Thu Apr 02, 2009 4:55 pm

You know, generally I can't be bothered to respond to anything here, but do the words 'Dark Side Force Manipulation of Emotions' mean anything to anyone? You know, like Jaina admitted to doing to him in the last chapter? Not that it was portrayed in anything remotely resembling a subtle manner in the first place.

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Praeothmin
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Post by Praeothmin » Thu Apr 02, 2009 6:16 pm

Consequences wrote:but do the words 'Dark Side Force Manipulation of Emotions' mean anything to anyone?
Well, if it's anything like the "Jedi mind trick", it doesn't work on weak minds, and if Picard has shown us time and again in the last years, it's that he doesn't have a weak mind:
"THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!"

:)

Mike DiCenso
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Post by Mike DiCenso » Thu Apr 02, 2009 6:43 pm

Even given that, it still is a perversion of the character or Jean Luc Picard by saying that he is weak-minded enough to fall prey to Force manipulation powers so readily. This is the guy who was tortured for days, possibly weeks on end before he started to give in, and the same man who resisted the Borg's assimilation into their collective enough that he was able to get a piece of critical information on how to defeat them to Data.

I also find it funny Consequences that you were affected enough by what's being said here on this forum that you still feel it necessary to jump in and defend a mediocre piece of fankwank fiction. ;-)
-Mike
Last edited by Mike DiCenso on Thu Apr 02, 2009 7:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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