A wild Sonichu appears!

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mojo
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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by mojo » Wed Aug 31, 2016 5:11 am

let's get one thing straight - this IS me being patient. you come in here, talking shit about secret boards and autism and mainly what i'm expecting from you at this point is a terrible excuse as to why you can't prove anything, or even explain anything in a coherent manner, and for you to occasionally try to stick your feces in my ear.

do you know how much i hate that? noone wants poop in their ears. noone but you, anyway. you're like an organ grinder's monkey after it's owner died.

the first time i talked to you, i thought you were a troll. the second time, you convinced me you were not. the third time, i don't even care anymore. where the fuck are these magical letters? fuck mike wong! post or fuck off!

"mojo," you say, how can i be a better person? well, you can't. you're an idiot and i hate you and your constantly lengthening reviews.

again, no, you can't be a better person. you're not even a person at all!

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mojo
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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by mojo » Mon Sep 05, 2016 5:37 am

well?

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by TrueChristian » Mon Sep 05, 2016 5:38 am

Fine. With no response forthcoming from Daniel Wong, I will just assume that the lack of response is an implied acceptance of this posting.

This is the first email that I received. It arrived in my inbox on December 24, 2015. The address this was sent from was “secretsanta@stardestroyer.net
Call this an early Christmas present. You're going to want to keep this. Trust me.

Mr. Oragahn – 1.10.16
There's room for concern.

Praeothmin – 1.22.16
On a totally unrelated note, I've fired close to 100 rounds of 45 acp ammo with a Colt 1911 Kimber, and now understand why people like handguns so much...

Jedi Master Spock – 2.1.16
IIRC, the MG-7A designation has been around since the Star Wars Technical Journal.

2046 – 1.3.16
I referred to troopers and was exaggerating, but think about it . . . that's three.

Mike DiCenso – 1.5.16
Yes, but then there is a considerable bit more death here when Kanan and Rex escape from the Interdictor star destroyer not only for those stormtroopers likely killed by deflected blaster bolts from Kanan and Ezra, but everyone onboard that ship and the Arquitens-class light cruisers definitely died...
Obviously I had no idea what this was about. I assumed it was some new form of Troll Fuckery and didn't think of it again until the next day, Christmas 2015, when I received this from the same address:
Merry Christmas! Here's your present…

Mr. Oragahn – 1.10.16
Always good to have a cynical one around here!

Praeothmin – 1.22.16
Oh yes, the OT was flawless, with the Ewoks, and moron Boba Fett, and the Sarlacc, and the 2 Death Stars ( it's a good thing the OT wasn't re-hashing old plot points...), and the two near failures but we did it at the last second whew…

Jedi Master Spock – 2.1.16
Hyperbolically, eh?

2046 – 1.7.16
I will concede that they are not at 1980's GI Joe levels of cartooniness where every shot-down fighter had to have a parachuting survivor come out of it.

Mike DiCenso – 1.5.16
Actually, we don't know canonically that phasers have a nuclear disruption force (NDF).

StarfleetJedi.Net
At this point I was skeptical but Very Intrigued. If this was a Troll, it was the most Interesting Troll I had ever seen.
And that was my opinion Before I was able to match up the above quotes to their Exact Matches on This Forum.
As the days went by with no further communication I carefully tracked the Traffic and Posting on this forum. Again and again quotes matched up perfectly.
This is what I meant when I said that I had seen Incredibly Strong evidence of either an Amazing Troll or something Very Serious happening here.

Finally I received a third and, so far, final email from Daniel Wong on June 1, 2016.
I assume that I have your attention, now. This will not be a long message.
The reason I was able to provide you with the exact phrasing of posts which had not happened yet is that I stored a copy of the forum at starfleetjedi.net in my iPocket before leaving my home in the year 2037.
I have contacted you to warn you, before it happens, of the calamity that will face you in the months and years ahead. A monster lurks sleeping in that forum.
The entire board is a sham. The forum which debates the idea of Star Wars versus Star Trek is a cover for a secret forum which lies beneath.
This secret forum is the base from which all of your troll troubles have come.
It is of paramount importance that these men be stopped.
You must seek out and destroy each of these five members I have quoted in order to save both yourself and the future itself.
I have included as an attachment to this email a set of blueprints which will allow you to build a basic time machine using technology found in this time. Be especially careful in the construction of the Flux Capacitor as it is EXTREMELY dangerous. After constructing the time machine, it must be activated by exposing the Flux Capacitor to a warm stream of ammonia. In your time unfortunately urine will be the only readily available source, therefore, you must urinate on the Flux Capacitor to activate the time machine.
Once you have constructed the time machine use it to travel to the date 1.1.2037. There you will see the results of this group's influence on the world. You will then understand what you need to do.
Godspeed.
Here is the 'blueprint' attached to the email:

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If I have read and understood everything correctly, then I have now constructed this machine and I intend to use it immediately. Here is proof:

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I drank two entire gallons of water today to make sure that I would have enough ammonia to take me as far as I need to go. If you are innocent, then you have nothing to fear, however, if Daniel is telling the truth, I will know momentarily and I WILL STOP YOU.
I go now, to spread the Urine of Justice onto the Time Machine and find the TRUTH!

The One and True Christian Weston Chandler

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by TrueChristian » Tue Sep 06, 2016 5:22 am

Back.
Can't believe we did it.
Good job Mike, Praeo.
I see Oragahn Trail is still alive in this timeline.
In the main everything seems OK.
Well, shit. C3PO's goddamn leg is silver again. I thought you fixed that, Mike?

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mojo
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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by mojo » Tue Sep 06, 2016 9:10 am

I don't know. It kind of seems like, if you could travel through time by simply pissing on a downed power line, someone would have figured that out by now. But then again, who would try it? I would think your [CENSORED] would just explode in a million pieces.

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by TrueChristian » Tue Sep 06, 2016 12:08 pm

mojo wrote:I don't know. It kind of seems like, if you could travel through time by simply pissing on a downed power line, someone would have figured that out by now. But then again, who would try it? I would think your [CENSORED] would just explode in a million pieces.
Yes. It does. But first it bursts into flame.

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Trinoya
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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by Trinoya » Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:56 am

Just so people are aware, I'm now watching this thread. Let us not drag this down any lower than it already has gone.

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by TrueChristian » Wed Sep 14, 2016 8:54 am

You're modding a science fiction forum, Trinoya. I don't understand how you could be so reckless and disrespectful toward someone who could, with the slightest nuclear explosion of his penis, wipe you from existence.

Mike Dicenso, are you with me?

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He is.

Let's go, brutha! These dicks aren't going to explode themselves!

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8/10, Brilliant technique.

HOLD ON WAIT FOR ME!

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BRB, Fucking Trinoya's mother.

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mojo
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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by mojo » Wed Sep 14, 2016 9:36 am

Hey, uh, when you guys get back, I just had a technical question? My friends and I have been trying to replicate your technique in hopes of taking over the world, and we can't seem to get this to work. We cut the power line with no trouble..

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..and then took turns urinating on it. We don't seem to be replicating the time travel effect, however, and we've been trying for three days. At this point though, we don't care that much about the time travel, it's more about the fact that the fires won't go out? Anybody?

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by TrueChristian » Wed Sep 14, 2016 9:42 am

Hahahahaha!

Mike Dicenso, great brother in time travel of exploding dicks, we return again victorious, to find that our enemy Trinoya has..

wait..

He's still here?

...son?

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mojo
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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by mojo » Thu Sep 15, 2016 4:06 am

hey, you guys see this?

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2046
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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by 2046 » Thu Sep 15, 2016 2:30 pm

1. I am pleased that I correctly resisted kow-towing despite the current era of political correctness run amok.

2. My bullcrap story from my second post this thread was way better than the bullcrap punchline of the thread. That is sad.

3. This was all very weird and I feel a sense of relief and disgust all at the same time, to the point that I am reminded of how it felt after escaping a couple of relationships with crazy exes.

4. I still think mental help is a good idea for the author of the posts, be it 'mojo' or an ally.

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by TrueChristian » Fri Sep 16, 2016 6:30 am

Mike, this should probably go in a personal message rather than out here on the main board, but I feel like I owe you a public apology.

*ahem*

I'm sorry that I got riled up and then, instead of stopping my former self from sleeping with Trinoya's mom, I joined in, creating the world's most fucked up 3-way.

I'm sorry about that, Mike. You were right, of course. It went totally against the entire point of our time travelling.
And you made a good point about not even having a penis yet, at the time, because of course mine had just exploded.
So I owe you another apology. This is sincere.

I'm sorry that I tore your newly attached and still highly sensitive penis from your body in my haste to attach one to myself so that I could involve myself in the sexy, sexy shenanigans we had traveled there to stop.

That was a dick move. (ha!)

I know, I know. I haven't addressed the second penis that I ripped off of you moments later and then threw in the pond, for no reason.
It just seemed funny at the time. I'm telling you, if you had seen what it looked like from my perspective, you would have laughed for fifteen straight minutes just like I did, so stop being so self-righteous. When you tried to run after the penis as it flew through the air, and your pants were around your ankles and you fell on that mound of fire ants.. dude. I'll tell you what, next time, you can do it to me so you see how fucking funny it is. Or, alternately, I could do it to you again, but this time use the camera on my phone to record it. We'll put that shit on YouTube and make a billion dollars.

Anyway, sorry man. That was all kind of ill-thought out, but it all worked out in the end, right?

Well, I mean, I guess Trinoya's still here, so there's that. And his Mom is fucking WRECKED.
And now I kind of only want to sleep with.. me? Is there a word for that? Masturbation maybe?

For the rest of you, members of the forum, Star Wars fans and Star Trek fans, Sci-Fi fans of all stripes, you're all very welcome. I'm sure you all are being so quiet because you feel intimidated by the awesome nature of the victory Mike Dicenso and I have accomplished in the last few days (your time). It's ok. I understand. Hey, I've seen me. Naked.

But it's time to put the penises away, or at least to use them for something other than exploding ourselves agonizingly through time on quests great and small. It's time to realize that dicks aren't meant to be played with.

So with some small pride, I hereby retire from time travel. I'm going to move to Montana, live on a mountain right next to the ocean where noone bothers you but the majestic wild elephants. I'm taking this other me with me, and uh, if Montana is a'rockin', don't come knockin'.

All my love, guys.

The One True (and SEXY) Christian Weston Chandler

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Last edited by TrueChristian on Fri Sep 16, 2016 7:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by TrueChristian » Fri Sep 16, 2016 7:00 am

Now wait just a goddamn minute.
What the hell is this horseshit?
2046 wrote:1. I am pleased that I correctly resisted kow-towing despite the current era of political correctness run amok.
Kow-towing? Is that like cow-houses? All I'm getting from this sentence is something about wanting to be politically incorrect with a goddamn cow. I don't know why you'd bring that shit up in a public forum, Old Mc2046. Keep that shit in the bedroo- cow-house.
2046 wrote:2. My bullcrap story from my second post this thread was way better than the bullcrap punchline of the thread. That is sad.
No, what's sad is you bringing up some cow thing again, only this time, you've went right ahead and verified that it's a MALE COW. Good job.
And apparently you having your way with a male cow in some godforsaken cow-house is, to you, a better story than the time Mike Dicenso and I went gallivanting through the time-stream, hopping between dimensions, just so you could continue to have your cow-house parties. Have a little respect for people who saved the universe, which by the way, includes your precious cows.
2046 wrote:3. This was all very weird and I feel a sense of relief and disgust all at the same time, to the point that I am reminded of how it felt after escaping a couple of relationships with crazy exes.
Yeah. Here's the thing, though. I'm not done with anything, and I don't like the idea I remind you of cows past. I'm starting to get a little peeved here. You're an ingrateful cow-lover. I'd like to be able to echo your statement, but all I can really feel is disgust, because it's tough to feel relief when you're vomiting up your guts because one of your lifelong heroes won't shut up about how you remind him of some cow he had sex with which apparently ended badly. You know what? Just writing that sentence, I puked while I was already puking. Here I was, puking and typing, and then I had to write about ME reminding you of some cow you had sex with, and I puked again, right in the middle of puking. So thanks for that, I would have thought that was impossible.
2046 wrote:4. I still think mental help is a good idea for the author of the posts, be it 'mojo' or an ally.
I don't understand putting Mojo's name in the single quotation mark things, and better yet, I don't take too kindly to saving all the universe and then having some weirdo cow-lover giving all the credit to some jackass fake mod.

So thanks a lot, man, you really cleared a lot of things up for me there. You like having sex with cows. Got it. I thought it was weird that I only wanted to have sex with me, so in a weird way you actually did make me feel a little better. But the torn esophagus and internal bleeding aren't really worth it.

You know, with Mike Dicenso out of the picture for the time being while his groin recovers, I am hesitant to move through time on my own. I'm going to make an exception here, because this is too fucked up for words and can't be allowed to exist.

PEACE, CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER OUT!

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BRB, Fucking 2046's Mom.

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Re: A wild Sonichu appears!

Post by mojo » Fri Sep 16, 2016 8:33 am

GUYS SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR DICK MEASURING COW CONTEST BUT I COULD REALLY USE SOME HELP

PRETTY SURE THIS FIRE IS ACTUALLY GETTING HOTTER INSTEAD OF GOING OUT

JUST MAYBE IF SOMEONE COULD HELP ME OUT HERE I'LL BE IN THE CORNER DOING MY BEST IMPRESSION OF A BIRTHDAY CAKE WITH ONE GODDAMN CANDLE, TRY NOT TO LOOK DIRECTLY AT IT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYESIGHT

JUST A LITTLE HELP PLEASE

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