ID4 City Destroyer VS GotG's Ronan the Executive
Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 1:32 am
So, it starts that way:
There's one dumb planet, Ratatap IV, with a convenient large metropolis (built by a long bygone ancient civilization), utterly devoid of any military defense. It's currently inhabitated by a humanoid collective of complete retards and everyone in the galaxy just hates them. The mere fact that they're allowed to breathe or look at the stars is considered heinous crime across an entire quadrant of the Milky Way.
They're also seen as a potential plague because the Ratatapians are so dumb that they actually radiate their idiocy into space, so anyone approaching this wretched planet is bound to make some dumb mistake at some point, potential loss of life included.
For some reason, the ID4 aliens have sent only one ship there and really, really want to burn that city. They think it will be enough and they don't really want to waste more assets on what would probably be recorded as a mere monday morning eradication procedure in the bowels of the Bureau of Boring and Useless Archives, in sublevel 413.
Meanwhile, Ronan the Angry, Petulant and Frothing Executive is (conspicuously) massively pissed at the mere presence of this planet and sees a formidable political opportunity there in doing whatever appears necessary to put an end to the existence of this world.
He's embarking aboard his convoluted ship, featuring the useless Rubik's Cube tech which allows both ends of his stick-ship to spin for sheer coolness (no one mocks him about this silly design because he's rather trigger happy).
He's also basically looking for any excuse to use the purple infinite stone embeded in his hammer and be called the biggest Starcunt across a thousand systems. So he's definitely headed for this insufferable planet.
Still, ID4 aliens don't like Ronan (they think he's an overdramatic whiny diva) and would love to bitchslap him. It turns out that they'll have the chance to precisely do that, there and now, and humiliate him once and for all.
On the other hand, Ronan won't let the anonymous interspace tentacle-bearing trolls screw him and his mighty Lordish agenda.
Both sides will move their respective big ship into the atmosphere of Ratatap IV and position them above the only one shiny metropolis I mentionned earlier on.
ID4 aliens must shot the blue beam, like in the movie, to burn the city. If they manage to do it, they win.
Ronan must land his Dark Aster and slam his hammer into the ground. If he does that, planet is toasted and he wins.
Consider the guy tougher than a human, capable of withstanding what he survived in the movie, but a one kilometer free fall will still turn him into a splashy messy pulp.
Since both sides are affected by the radiation of stupidity emanating from the surface of Ratatap IV, ID4 aliens think that cutting off the shielding systems will make their city burner much more powerful and allow them to torch the entire planet in one shot.
Ronan, on the other hand, is convinced for some debilitating reason that he really has to land the entire damned Dark Aster, but only after slowing it down and parking it a couple miles above the metropolis, uselessly waiting for some anguishingly long minutes before actually thinking about punching the gas pedal, if the path is clear.
Of course it's also good news that both sides have never heard of the concpet of point defense guns, heavy turrets or anything similar to a nuke.
Both sides also are made aware of the enemy's main weapon and objective. On top of that, they're told that they won't be able to complete their objective if they don't get rid of the enemy's forces, but they might attempt using their main weapon right off the bat though (see this as an alt scenario if you want, dumb things can happen twice so who knows).
By random plot twist, both ships happen to be hovering like twenty miles away from each other.
Good luck to both factions, this is truely a epic and dumb versus with tons of potential.
Or not.
There's one dumb planet, Ratatap IV, with a convenient large metropolis (built by a long bygone ancient civilization), utterly devoid of any military defense. It's currently inhabitated by a humanoid collective of complete retards and everyone in the galaxy just hates them. The mere fact that they're allowed to breathe or look at the stars is considered heinous crime across an entire quadrant of the Milky Way.
They're also seen as a potential plague because the Ratatapians are so dumb that they actually radiate their idiocy into space, so anyone approaching this wretched planet is bound to make some dumb mistake at some point, potential loss of life included.
For some reason, the ID4 aliens have sent only one ship there and really, really want to burn that city. They think it will be enough and they don't really want to waste more assets on what would probably be recorded as a mere monday morning eradication procedure in the bowels of the Bureau of Boring and Useless Archives, in sublevel 413.
Meanwhile, Ronan the Angry, Petulant and Frothing Executive is (conspicuously) massively pissed at the mere presence of this planet and sees a formidable political opportunity there in doing whatever appears necessary to put an end to the existence of this world.
He's embarking aboard his convoluted ship, featuring the useless Rubik's Cube tech which allows both ends of his stick-ship to spin for sheer coolness (no one mocks him about this silly design because he's rather trigger happy).
He's also basically looking for any excuse to use the purple infinite stone embeded in his hammer and be called the biggest Starcunt across a thousand systems. So he's definitely headed for this insufferable planet.
Still, ID4 aliens don't like Ronan (they think he's an overdramatic whiny diva) and would love to bitchslap him. It turns out that they'll have the chance to precisely do that, there and now, and humiliate him once and for all.
On the other hand, Ronan won't let the anonymous interspace tentacle-bearing trolls screw him and his mighty Lordish agenda.
Both sides will move their respective big ship into the atmosphere of Ratatap IV and position them above the only one shiny metropolis I mentionned earlier on.
ID4 aliens must shot the blue beam, like in the movie, to burn the city. If they manage to do it, they win.
Ronan must land his Dark Aster and slam his hammer into the ground. If he does that, planet is toasted and he wins.
Consider the guy tougher than a human, capable of withstanding what he survived in the movie, but a one kilometer free fall will still turn him into a splashy messy pulp.
Since both sides are affected by the radiation of stupidity emanating from the surface of Ratatap IV, ID4 aliens think that cutting off the shielding systems will make their city burner much more powerful and allow them to torch the entire planet in one shot.
Ronan, on the other hand, is convinced for some debilitating reason that he really has to land the entire damned Dark Aster, but only after slowing it down and parking it a couple miles above the metropolis, uselessly waiting for some anguishingly long minutes before actually thinking about punching the gas pedal, if the path is clear.
Of course it's also good news that both sides have never heard of the concpet of point defense guns, heavy turrets or anything similar to a nuke.
Both sides also are made aware of the enemy's main weapon and objective. On top of that, they're told that they won't be able to complete their objective if they don't get rid of the enemy's forces, but they might attempt using their main weapon right off the bat though (see this as an alt scenario if you want, dumb things can happen twice so who knows).
By random plot twist, both ships happen to be hovering like twenty miles away from each other.
Good luck to both factions, this is truely a epic and dumb versus with tons of potential.
Or not.