Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

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Youngla0450
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Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Youngla0450 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:25 am

PROLOGUE:

This story is about the destruction of Earth, the capital of the United Federation of Planets, by the Death Star. I will try to be as detailed and organized as possible. It will detail the last mouments of the people on Earth, it's destruction by the Death Star, and the after-effects to the Federation. I would love respectful, detailed, and organized comments. Please do not post them yet though until I say all parts of the story are posted. Thanks!

-Youngla0450

Author of Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Youngla0450
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Chapter 1: Description of Earth and the Federation

Post by Youngla0450 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:56 am

Chapter 1: Description of Earth and the Federation

Earth was the capital of the United Federation of Planets. It was a beautiful world, with a rich history spanning at least six billion years. The planet was the birthplace of humanity, the cradle of mankind and many of it's achievements. Earth had risen from a relatively primitive state in the twenty-first century to becoming one of the most powerful worlds in the Alpha Quadrant. It came to become the capital of the Federation. The Federation was a magnificant organization. Spanning one hundred and fifty member systems, and at least one thousand colonies, protectorates, and allies, the Federation was one of the most powerful nations in local space. A lone democracy amongst numerous military dictatorships, autocratic empires, and supreme-ruling societies. The Federation was the only gurantee of protection for Earth, against many wild powers. There were the wild Klingon Empire, who had a great emphasis on combat and military skills. The secretive Romulan Star Empire, a state which believed in it's own genetic superority and sought to prove itself. The Cardassian Union, once a aggressive military power which spent decades intruding into Federation space, now a weak state reduced to a single planet. It had been so because of the ravages of the Dominion War. And there were numerous other powers, including the isolated First Federation, the capitalist-based Ferengi Alliance, the powerful, but secretive Breen, and numerous others.

Beyond this collection of such diverse empires and unions, were powers that surpassed even the great Federation. There was the ruthless, yet mindless Borg, who had spent tens of thousands of years seeking to assmilate all other civilizations in the galaxy and perfect their own civlization. The Borg were enemies who could only be defeated through cunning and manipulation. There was Species 8472, who, for millenia had resisted the assmilation attempts of the Borg and were their most powerful adversary. A species with unbridled power and great technology. Then there was the Dominion, a sprawling state which consisted of thousands of worlds. They were ruled by the ruthless Changelings, a shape-shifter species who sought to control every civilization they deemed threatening. The Dominion only recently had tried to conquer the Alpha Quadrant, but had been defeated by a Federation-Klingon-Romulan alliance.

But anyways, back to Earth. As stated before, this planet was the absolute center of the Federation. It was the crowning jewel of the 218-year history of the Federation. It bore numerous historical relics, including the Great Wall of China, the Great Pyramids of Egypt, the Eiffel Tower of Paris, the Golden Gate Bridge of San Fransico, and numerous other sites. It also bore the Federation government and Admirality. It was here the Office of the President of the Federation, as well the Headquarters of the Federation Council, was located. It was here where Starfleet Command and Starfleet Academy were located. It was here where the Offices of the Ambassdors of Vulcan, Tellar, Andoria, and Betazoid, each of them major members of the Federation, was located. Also here was the Federation Communications Office and all the major government ministries of the Federation government. It was here in which the brain of the Federation virtually lived. If this brain was destroyed, then the Federation would be dealt a severe, almost irrepairable blow.

And this was about to happen.

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Chapter 2: The Admirals, Government, and People

Post by Youngla0450 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 5:27 pm

Chapter 2: The Admirals, Government, and People

The downfall of the Federation, could in part, be achieved by the elimination of it's entire leadership. Such elimination could be made easier if the entire leadership was assembled in a place that would then be throughly destroyed. This would happen, such act committed by a massive weapon, which will be described in the next chapter.

In early January 2379, the annual "State of the Federation" address would be delivered by the President of the United Federation of Planets. The President was widely considered the most powerful official in the Federation. The only people who also could be considered at this rate of power were the Commander-in-Chief of Starfleet, and Ambassdor of Vulcan. The Federation President called and dismissed the Federation Council at will. He approved all legislative intiatives and executed their mandates. The President organized the budget and implemented Federation taxes. He formulated military policy, along with the C-in-C of Starfleet, and deployed all military forces. He appointed and dismissed all government officials at will. The President also created and signed treaties with other nation-states and directed foreign policy. Each year, the President would deliver the Address in order to formulate military and political intiatives of that year. All government ministers, commodores, rear-admirals, vice-admirals, admirals, and fleet admirals were required to attend. In effect, all of Starfleet Command and the Federation government.

You wonder, what is Starfleet Command? Starfleet Command is the supreme operating and supervisional authority of the Federation Starfleet. It is here in which major military decisions concerning the operations and deployment of Starfleet forces are made. Starfleet Command directs all the other branches of Starfleet, and formulates the General Orders and Regulations followed by all members of Starfleet. All commodores, rear-admirals, vice-admirals, admirals, and fleet admirals form Starfleet Command, which is led by the C-in-C of Starfleet, usually the highest ranking Fleet Admiral.

And finally, the people of Earth. They were among the most powerful civilians in the Federation. 12 billion Federation citizens total. Earth was the cradle of humankind, so most humans in the Federation originated from Earth. They were extremely loyal to the Federation, and were a kind people. All of them now spoke English, to provide for wide-scale uniformity. Numerous historical languages, including French, Spanish, Italian, Latin, and others were still practiced as little more then historical curosites. It was here the families of almost all the Human Starfleet members resided. The families of William T. Riker, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Beverly Crusher, and so many other well known figures. And all 12 billion people, would soon meet their downfall.

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Chapter 3: The Empire's Devious Plans

Post by Youngla0450 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 5:39 pm

Chapter 3: The Empire's Devious Plans

Meanwhile, halfway across the Universe, in a galaxy far, far away, were a group of Imperial construction workers and exploration workers. They were fevershily working on setting up hyperspace tunneling equipment to stablize a recently-discovered wormhole. This wormhole, after months of study, had been discovered to link to another galaxy. The Imperials had gathered information on this galaxy, discovering it was broken up into hundreds of tiny states, instead of one central government. These included the Borg, Dominion, Federation, Romulan Empire, Klingon Empire, Ferengi Alliance, and numerous other powers.

Most people in the Galactic Empire considered this pathetic. Even more information solidifed their thoughts. The Empire itself ruled over fifty million colonies, protectorates, and governorships, as well one and a half million member or conquered systems, spread throughout it's galaxy. Imperials compared this to the 16,000 systems held by the Borg, the 10,000 systems held by the Dominion, and the 1,150 systems held by the Federation. They thought this pitiful.

Anyways, Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader, and Grand Moff Tarkin had made the decision the Death Star would destroy a planet named Earth, indicated to be the capital of the Federation. This was to demostrate how the Death Star could cripple entire governments and how it was superior to others. Evidence was also discovered that the entire Admiralty and government of this Federation was also assembled on Earth, so this would deliver a good blow to the Federation. Also, 12 billion people resided on this world. While considered quite pitiful, it would increase the amount of people slaughtered by the Death Star, which currently, was at 3 billion, effectively the populations of Despayre, Alderaan, and Yavin IV, all victims of the Death Star superlaser.

Soon, the wormhole was stablizied, and a Imperial fleet of 200 Imperial-class Star Destroyers and one Super-Star Destroyer was placed, alongside hundreds of smaller dreadnoughts and at least three thousand Tie Fighters. Finally, the Death Star itself appeared and traveled through the wormhole, along with 40 Imperial-class Star Destroyers, a Super-Star Destroyer, and thirty Victory-class Star Destroyers. It then went into hyperspace, setting it's course for..Earth.
Last edited by Youngla0450 on Sat Aug 07, 2010 10:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Kor_Dahar_Master
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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Kor_Dahar_Master » Sat Aug 07, 2010 9:29 pm

1. Ok so in chapter one and two you basically told me what is going to happen to Earth instead of leaving it as a suprise and as such the next few chapters leading up to Earths destruction are gonna be boring filler leading to a known result.

2. You have given a long and pointless narrative about the Federation (pointless at this part of the story at least).

3. You have introduced no characters at all apart from a mention of the president of the Federation who seems like the most over worked dude in the Universe and a pretty shitty boss to work for considering his hiring and firing policy.

4. Without defining and introducing characters you cannot establish a back history that you can use as a foundation for personality types and even personality flaws to develop them from over the story.




Why not start the story elsewhere like with two off duty stormtrooper buddies talking about their limited view of the situation and mentioning that they have been assigned to the "upcoming invasion" (if the boffins can stabilise the worm hole ect ect) and that it is some sort of self governing Federation and the name of the primary target is....(pause for dramatic effect) ....Earth!! (insert dramatic score).

That way you have introduced a few characters, had the oportunity while they were chatting to begin to establish a base personality and back ground for each of them (try not to over do it with details). And you have let the reader know that the Empire plans to attack the Federation of planets without ruining the story by letting them knoe earth is doomed.

Doing so will allow you to setup a subplot where the usual team of Federation chaps stage a "last minute daring mission" to prevent the DS from destorying earth that we all expect to work right up until the last second where.........it fails and Earth is destroyed ( shock, horror a despair thats not wat happens in trek the reader tells himself) and the story now takes on a new perspective and line of thought for the reader.

Oh and FYI 3-4 short paragraphs are not a chapter in fact in most books 3-4 paragraphs like that would barely be a page. I suggest you write a proper story with dialog between the characters that will slowly introduce them and give hints at the main plot while it also subtly mentions things that can also be developed into sub plots in later chapters.......it should be no shorter than 30 pages (120 paragraphs) per chapter.
Last edited by Kor_Dahar_Master on Sun Aug 08, 2010 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Youngla0450
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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Youngla0450 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 9:46 pm

Kor_Dahar_Master wrote:1. Ok so in chapter one and two you basically told me what is going to happen to Earth instead of leaving it as a suprise and as such the next few chapters leading up to Earths destruction are gonna be boring filler leading to a known result.

2. You have given a long and pointless narrative about the Federation (pointless at this part of the story at least).

3. You have introduced no characters at all apart from a mention of the president of the Federation who seems like the most over worked dude in the Universe and a pretty shitty boss to work for considering his hiring and firing policy.

4. Without defining and introducing characters you cannot establish a back history that you can use as a foundation for personality types and even personality flaws to develop them from over the story.




Why not start the story elsewhere like with two off duty stormtrooper buddies talking about their limited view of the situation and mentioning that they have been assigned to the "upcoming invasion" (if the boffins can stabilise the worm hole ect ect) and that it is some sort of self governing Federation and the name of the primary target is....(pause for dramatic effect) ....Earth!! (insert dramatic score).

That way you have introduced a few characters, had the oportunity while they were chatting to begin to establish a base personality and back ground for each of them (try not to over do it with details). And you have let the reader know that the Empire plans to attack the Federation of planets without ruining the story by letting them knoe earth is doomed.

Doing so will allow you to setup a subplot where the usual team of Federation chaps stage a "last minute daring mission" to prevent the DS from destorying earth that we all expect to work right up until the last second where.........it fails and Earth is destroyed ( shock, horror a despair thats not wat happens in trek the reader tells himself) and the story now takes on a new perspective and line of thought for the reader.

Oh and FYI 3-4 short paragraphs are not a chapter in fact in most books 3-4 paragraphs like that would barely be a page. I suggest you write a proper story with dialog between the characters that will slowly introduce them and give hints at the main plot while it also subtly mentions things that can also be developed into sub plots in later chapters.......it should be no shorter than 30 pages (120 paragraphs).
Actually, I am going to continue this story here. The other story is still being written, though.

Youngla0450
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Chapter 4: The Destruction of Earth

Post by Youngla0450 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 11:11 pm

Chapter 4: The Destruction of Earth
Finally, the Death Star and it's accompanying Imperial fleet appeared in orbit over Earth. They were suprised to find no resistance at Earth, no starships guarding this planet. They were even more suprised when they discovered Earth did not have any military defenses, not even a planetary shield. Grand Moff Tarkin and Darth Vader thus considered Earth a easy, and harmless, target.

The people on Earth were ignorant of the Death Star. Seeing it in the sky, they thought it was actually a far-away planet or moon! Starfleet Command declared the spherical-object simply "a newly discovered moon", not bothering to study it. It would prove to be their undoing.

On the Death Star, Grand Moff Tarkin was on the overbridge. He looked at the screen and gave the faintest hint of a smile. Tarkin was already known as "The Angel of Death" by many in the Empire for his direct responsibility for the deaths of billions of sentient beings and the destruction of Despayre, Alderaan, and Yavin IV. Tarkin was pleased that he would be indirectly responsible for the deaths of twelve billion more sentient beings. A officer then approached him, and said "My Lord, the Death Star is ready, the superlaser is standing-by to be fired at your command,"

Tarkin turned around, and said "You may fire when ready," He loved giving that command. He then turned back to the screen, intent on witnessing the destruction of another planet. He awaited this destruction. It soon came.

Soon, a voice blared over the intercom, that of Teen Granett, Chief Gunner of the Death Star's Superlaser, "Commence primary ignition," Immediately, all the gunners in the Fire Control Room pressed all the nesscary buttons and pulled the nessscary levers, readying and adjusting the superlaser. Finally, Granett pulled the ignition lever.

Outside, the superlaser crystal activated, pulling power from the hypermatter reactor. In each of the eight shafts of the Death Star bowl, a beam was amplified and went out. They then converged, popping out of the bowl to form one incredibly powerful superlaser beam. This beam then sped at Earth. Tarkin and Vader smiled in anticipation. The superlaser beam hit Earth, penetrating the atmosphere and destroying the world. The Moon, Earth Spacedock, and San Fransico Shipyards were all atomized by the impact of the destruction of Earth. The Death Star immediately retreated out of range, going to a safe spot. It, and it's accompanying fleet, eventually retreated back into the wormhole, and then back into the Star Wars galaxy.

More then 12.1 billion sentients died in the destruction of Earth, 12 billion of them residents of Earth, 40 milllion residents of the Moon, and 60,000 residents of Earth Spacedock and San Fransico Shipyards. All of Starfleet Command, the Federation Council, and the rest of the Federation government were wiped out. Famous people who died in the Destruction included Admiral Nyota Uhura, Admiral Pavel Chekov, Admiral Leonard McCoy, Admiral Hikaru Sulu, Captain Montogomery Scott, Vice-Admiral Alynna Nechavev, Vice-Admiral Kathryn Janeway, the entire crew of the U.S.S Voyager (on paid leave), and the entire crew of Deep Space Nine (on paid leave). The families of Beverly Crusher, William Riker, Geordi La Forge, and Jean-Luc Picard were wiped out. Deanna Troi's mother, Ambassdor Lwxawana Troi of Betazoid, on Earth for a diplomatic conference, died as well. Numerous historical relics and artifacts were lost. All forty starships that were being repaired in Earth Spacedock and San Fransico Shipyards were lost as well, including the U.S.S. Voyager and U.S.S. Defiant.

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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Mike DiCenso » Sun Aug 08, 2010 5:09 pm

This is singuarly and completely boring. This is a bunch of useless factoidal information that does little to advance any kind of story narrative, or plot. Nor does it capture the interest of the reader with anything compelling, like character interaction, which there is little to none here. It is better to start off with real action, and real character dynamics.
-Mike

Youngla0450
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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Youngla0450 » Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:14 pm

Mike DiCenso wrote:This is singuarly and completely boring. This is a bunch of useless factoidal information that does little to advance any kind of story narrative, or plot. Nor does it capture the interest of the reader with anything compelling, like character interaction, which there is little to none here. It is better to start off with real action, and real character dynamics.
-Mike
Well, Kor said basically the same thing. But regardless, I am continuing with this story. However, I am writing another story, another Destruction of Earth with more chracter interaction.

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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Mike DiCenso » Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:44 am

Then take heed to it, my young apprentice!
-Mike

Youngla0450
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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Youngla0450 » Mon Aug 09, 2010 3:59 pm

Mike DiCenso wrote:Then take heed to it, my young apprentice!
-Mike
I am not a young padawan learner! I am taking heed. I am writing another story with more interaction.

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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Mike DiCenso » Mon Aug 09, 2010 4:50 pm

Humor, you must learn to develop your sense of humor!
-Mike

Youngla0450
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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Youngla0450 » Mon Aug 09, 2010 6:32 pm

Mike DiCenso wrote:Humor, you must learn to develop your sense of humor!
-Mike
Interesting.

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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by The Dude » Mon Aug 09, 2010 9:14 pm

Dude, this is horribly boring. It's just an info dump, I don't know how many novels you've read (or maybe you just read Weber) but they don't consist of a bunch of dryly stated facts.

You want to write something interesting? Have some actual characters, fleshed out ones at that. Spread your boring facts out, drop them occasionally through the story. Have a conversation that doesn't read like two Tourettes sufferers reading a codex to each other.

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Re: Destruction of Earth: The Crippling of the Federation

Post by Mike DiCenso » Mon Aug 09, 2010 9:18 pm

The Dude wrote:Have a conversation that doesn't read like two Tourettes sufferers reading a codex to each other.
Thanks, Dude. That gave me a much needed laugh today.
-Mike

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