The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
- Tyralak
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
Time Lords pwn all.
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
The Photino Birds and the Xelee would eat them for breakfast, and you know it.
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
Who are the "Xelee"? The "Photino Birds". They must be a government consisting of only around two hundred million worlds, or are they larger?Mike DiCenso wrote:The Photino Birds and the Xelee would eat them for breakfast, and you know it.
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
The Xelee and their adversaries, the Photino Birds are from Stephan Baxter's Xelee Sequence of stories that take place in Humanity's far future many tens of thousands of years hence in some of the later stories. The Xelee are billions of years old, have dominion over most of the known universe and build on the scale of megaparsecs.
The Photino Birds on the other hand are a species of dark matter entities that inhabit the gravity wells of stars and are responsible for the aging of stars so that they do not go supernova, but in the process will render the universe uninhabitable for baryonic life. They are not evil as we understand it, they simply have no concept that what they are doing is harmful because they have no idea that baryonic lifeforms even exist.
-Mike
The Photino Birds on the other hand are a species of dark matter entities that inhabit the gravity wells of stars and are responsible for the aging of stars so that they do not go supernova, but in the process will render the universe uninhabitable for baryonic life. They are not evil as we understand it, they simply have no concept that what they are doing is harmful because they have no idea that baryonic lifeforms even exist.
-Mike
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
Interesting, indeed.Mike DiCenso wrote:The Xelee and their adversaries, the Photino Birds are from Stephan Baxter's Xelee Sequence of stories that take place in Humanity's far future many tens of thousands of years hence in some of the later stories. The Xelee are billions of years old, have dominion over most of the known universe and build on the scale of megaparsecs.
The Photino Birds on the other hand are a species of dark matter entities that inhabit the gravity wells of stars and are responsible for the aging of stars so that they do not go supernova, but in the process will render the universe uninhabitable for baryonic life. They are not evil as we understand it, they simply have no concept that what they are doing is harmful because they have no idea that baryonic lifeforms even exist.
-Mike
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
You shoud read those books, along with Ian Bank's Culture series so youcan understand how to properly write stories set in a unvierse with super-powerful interstellar and or galactic civilizations.
-Mike
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
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- Mr. Oragahn
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Re: Size of the Federation vs Galactic Empire's Size
You know, one of the best threads I've read is one where people quantified Santa Claus and his little Empire.Mike DiCenso wrote:Because it doesn't exist, like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!Mr. Oragahn wrote:A rather daring statement. Evidence would be requested.Mike DiCenso wrote:You lie!
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The EB, I can't tell, he seems to be more of a lose electron.
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
Well, sound like great fun. When you find it again, post it!
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
After scrolling down and skimming through the means of power generation, FTL speeds, history, weapons, and so forth, I've come to the conclusion that no woman will ever, ever touch you. Ever.Youngla0450 wrote:I have written a story on a "Orange Star", which is a more powerful and more advanced version of the Death Star. It's superlaser and defenses are superior, and there are little-no flaws. Here is the link, and please comment on it:
http://imagine.wikia.com/wiki/Orange_Star
Ever.
No, not even then.
EDIT: To be more specific as to why...
Jesus Christ. There's a sort of rule in show business, basically that being that you don't reference better movies than your own. Similar, you shouldn't reference better franchises than your own made up universe in an effort to take a pot shot.1. How do they get around-The population have their own vessels of course, unlike the Federation. Transportation is basically the same as Star Wars.
Of course, if you knew anything about Star Trek, you'd know that people do own their own shuttles and in fact, freighters. Captain Sisko's wife owned her own ship for fuck sake.
In other words, they are humans, but five times stronger, two times smarter, and a quadrillion times better than anything else in existence...right?2.What are their cultures-The main culture is the Calathrinan race. They rule the Empire. They look just like Humans, but are five times stronger and two times smarter.
As in, ripped off from better written and developed sci-fi species which means that if you ever managed to get this sorry piece published, Paramount would be down your throat so fast we'd develop warp drive.Other cultures include cultures based on the Vulcans, Romulans, Cardassians, etc.
Oh wow, that's original. I mean, it's not like I could list off a hundred different franchises, cultures, and what not that ahve those exact same things. My, how incredibly fascinating your story's government is.They also have cultures in which women rule, cultures in which men rule only, etc.
Again, more theft.3.What do folks do for fun-They have entertainment similar to Star Wars and Star Trek, including holodeck entertainment, holographic movies, regular real-world like movies, art, radio, television, etc.
The worst part of it isn't that you're just stealing other people's hard work. It's the fact that the entire point of what he asked you for flew over your head.
Oh...how exciting.Stuff on government policy will come soon.
Did this suddenly become a bad episode of Bleach?I promise you, that I will improve my behavior. I PROMISE YOU I WILL IMPROVE MYSELF, TRIONOYA!
In short kid, you need to practice writing. Write some really, really horrible shit in some journals and practice getting better. Then burn them. Burn them and kill anyone whose read them (assuming they survived the experience). When you can actually write something that doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out, come back.
Yes, I'm being rude. Yes, it's cruel and possibly inflamatory. But it needs to be said. Your writing sucks. It's so bad that I'm not even going to comment on pacing, characters, plot, and development--because it doesn't exist in this sad excuse of a paragraph. Take it from someone farther down the path than you; you suck. You suck hard.
Read books, take notes of what they do, how they do it, when the do it, and most importantly, WHY they do it. Assuming your skill progression is from this point, as fast as mine, we'll see you in four to six years.
- Mr. Oragahn
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
Mith, I must thank you, and applaud your temerity and courage for going through that to bring us back those samples of mediocrity.
Keeps the hands clean.
Keeps the hands clean.
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
I've read My Immortal. Even Young's writing isn't that bad. Here's the entirety of chapter one and two...and Oraghan...I am sorry. I am so, so sorry:Mr. Oragahn wrote:Mith, I must thank you, and applaud your temerity and courage for going through that to bring us back those samples of mediocrity.
Keeps the hands clean.
Chapter One
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!
“What’s up Draco?” I asked.
“Nothing.” he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
Chapter Two
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)
“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly.
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.
“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.
“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
“Hi.” he said.
“Hi.” I replied flirtily.
“Guess what.” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.
I gasped.
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
No, don't frakin' ever post that slimey crap here ever again, or I'll make sure JMS permabans you for that. Tara Gilesbie's "My Immortal" is one of the most awful of the awful fanfic stories to be posted on the internet. And what you posted was I believe a sample of that so-called story that was actually edited to make it somewhat more comprehensible. Hell, I'd almost rather read Stephen Ratliff''s Marissa Picard stories than any part of My Immortal.
-Mike
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death Star I
I consider it a crude, but efficient method of instruction of the really, really bad. As for editing, I'm not sure. It goes downhill from there. Towards the end it's almost impossible to understand without a flow chart.
- Khas
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Re: The Orange Star: A More Powerful Version of The Death St
Meh. My Immortal is a cakewalk compared to Eevee TF TG. *shudders*