WH40K: Dawn of Stupid
Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:54 pm
This was an idea that popped into my twisted brain in December. Malal, the fifth Chaos God (Did not make him up. He actually exists in 40K, and he scares the shit out of the other Chaos Gods), is launching a massive invasion on the Milky Way. Scared beyond all reason, the factions of 40K unite and send their mightiest soldiers to deal with Malal. Unfortunately, the Warp is an unpredictable dimension, and all but the main characters are killed. These people are nowhere near competent. They form one of the dumbest groups ever to disgrace the galaxy. They are:
Battle Brother Bardus
Species: Space Marine
Age: 4,000
Info: Bardus is the sole survivor of the Fluffy Bunnies Chapter. He considers neckties to be heretical, and often wonders how they get the bullets in the bolter. His best friend is an elm tree named Dennis.
Private Lance McGoo
Species: Human (IG)
Age: 36
Info: The Kenny McCormick of the group. He can die multiple times in one mission, and still come back for more punishment. How he comes back is never explained.
Battle Sister Alicia Dominica
Species: Human (Sister of Battle)
Age: 24
Info: PMS personified. You never know what to expect with her. You just don't. Anything from giving you flowers to ripping off Lance's head.
Shas'O Dodio
Species: Tau
Age: 26
Info: The Ed Grimley of the group. He worships Pat Sajac just like the SNL character Ed Grimley. He also has a cheese fetish.
Brakok
Species: Kroot
Age: 19
Info: Will eat anything. Including Lance. And high-yield warheads. And promethium.
Jiala Nar
Species: Eldar
Age: 300
Info: The goody two-shoes of the group. She will bitch to someone when someone else sets even so much as a hair out of line. Is a good friend of Shas'O Dodio.
Battle Brother Bardus
Species: Space Marine
Age: 4,000
Info: Bardus is the sole survivor of the Fluffy Bunnies Chapter. He considers neckties to be heretical, and often wonders how they get the bullets in the bolter. His best friend is an elm tree named Dennis.
Private Lance McGoo
Species: Human (IG)
Age: 36
Info: The Kenny McCormick of the group. He can die multiple times in one mission, and still come back for more punishment. How he comes back is never explained.
Battle Sister Alicia Dominica
Species: Human (Sister of Battle)
Age: 24
Info: PMS personified. You never know what to expect with her. You just don't. Anything from giving you flowers to ripping off Lance's head.
Shas'O Dodio
Species: Tau
Age: 26
Info: The Ed Grimley of the group. He worships Pat Sajac just like the SNL character Ed Grimley. He also has a cheese fetish.
Brakok
Species: Kroot
Age: 19
Info: Will eat anything. Including Lance. And high-yield warheads. And promethium.
Jiala Nar
Species: Eldar
Age: 300
Info: The goody two-shoes of the group. She will bitch to someone when someone else sets even so much as a hair out of line. Is a good friend of Shas'O Dodio.